Wednesday, April 28, 2010

W.I.S.E. Up!

This month, I'd like to share a few recent experiences I've had with my two boys. The first happened at a restaurant during our group's Family Nite Out last month. Our waitress came to take our drink orders and she asked me, "What kind of group is this? Are you a playgroup?" I answered, "We're an adoption group. We're all adoptive families."

"Oh," she replied. "I thought you might be. I saw that you are families with, um..." (she hesitated, looking for the right words). I finished her sentence for her,"... white parents with Latino children."

"Yea," she said, then added, "I was adopted from Korea. My family used to be in a group like this."

"Wow, that's cool!" I replied, and we talked a little more. I asked her if she still keeps in touch with any of the kids from that group. She answered, "Oh yes, all of them!" Turns out, she and her friends also attended a culture camp for children adopted from Korea, and she and her friends are now counselors at the camp.

I was happy I chose to "Share Something" that evening. The young woman also chose to "Share Something" with me, too.

The second experience happened while traveling over spring break. We'd spent a long day in crowded airports... over 4 hours of delays... rescheduled our flights three times... Finally, our flight home was ready to board. The gate attendant announced, "No food service is available on this flight and we expect to be delayed further after boarding. It is advised that you bring a snack with you." So, off we went to the nearest snack vendor. We quickly made our choices and upon completing our purchase, the man behind the register asked, "Are these your kids?"

"Yes" I answered. He quickly countered with, "Well, why they look different?" My boys just looked at the man with that caught-off-guard, "huh?" expression. I politely answered, "We're an adoptive family."

"But why they look different?" he repeated as he looked back and forth between my fair-skinned, blond-haired, green-eyed son and my brown-skinned, brown-eyed, black-haired son. This time I chose to say, "We have to go now, they're calling our flight for boarding." I didn't have the patience or the time that day to educate anyone about adoption, or explain why my two boys don't look anything alike. So, in the W.I.S.E. Up! way, I chose to "Walk Away" that time.

Most adopted children (and parents) are subjected to questions about adoption. The questions are sometimes intrusive and often unexpected. It is important for parents to model appropriate ways to answer (or not answer) the inquisitor when the child is watching and listening. By the time children enter school, they need to be prepared to handle adoption related questions and comments on their own. The W.I.S.E. Up! Powerbook gives children (and parents) a powerful tool to help them handle comments and questions from classmates, friends, neighbors and strangers. It teaches them they have a choice when it comes to sharing their adoption story. They can Walk Away. They can say, "That's Private." They can Share Something. They can Educate Others.

The book is geared toward children ages 6 to 12 years old. It is published by the Center for Adoption Support and Education.